Blog de jacqpinks
:
Diciembre 2009
Not Looking forward to 2010 - Not again- Part 1
PUBLICADO EL
27/12/2009
Where to start? It has been a full on year which I was eager to start till I found out my mother had cancer it just ruined my year before it even begun, I was looking forward to 2009 to start and was glad to see the end of 2008 it was a really hard year for me, watching my mother lose the love of her life and me a great father who was an answer to prayer. But as the year started to wind down my mum was diagnosed with the worst breast cancer there is, inflammatory cancer which was totally devastating especially since my father died of cancer, his battle was long, a full on 3 years for my mum and to find out she had now had to start her own fight. My father died in August 08, my mum moved in with my family in Oct 08 and was diagnosed with cancer in Nov 08. I now was not looking forward to the year to come at all now, what had passed was bad enough but to have to face what was coming was far worse. \r\nHer appointments came in hard and fast, my sister promised to help out which was short lived it wasn\u2019t a help at all we had to do everything her way she didn\u2019t seem to realise the extra pressure she placed on us.
Not Looking forward to 2010 - Not again- Part 2
PUBLICADO EL
27/12/2009
It wasn\u2019t long till she stopped talking to us, I think when she finally cut us off was probably the best decision she could make for us. It was hard to go through so much with little help but he pressure added to the situation. It isn\u2019t the first time she stopped talking to me normally we patched things up but I could no longer deal with the way she treated me so I didn\u2019t contact her again. My mum has made plenty of mistakes in her life and she has at times done some not nice things a mother shouldn\u2019t do but she is human and does not deserve to be treated the way she has been treated by her son and my elder sister, especially since she had been fighting for her life. \r\nMy little sister has been a blessing but she lives so far away she and I haven\u2019t always gotten along but she has tried her hardest to support me look after mum, and when I have made the wrong decision she supported me and even flew over to give a helping hand when I needed or when mum did. \r\nI have a close friend online who has always been here for me her father died the same month and year as mine, it is sad that she has had to suffer the same loss but it has been a blessing to have someone who knows what I am going through. I have other wonderful friends online who pray for me and are just there when I need to talk to someone who even shared their phone numbers with me so I could call them if I needed to talk. \r\nI had another friend online who I thought was there for me too but he kinda started to get a little stressed and when I tried to help he got weirder and weirder no matter what I said it was wrong and he seemed to always just talk about how bad his life was and how he wanted to end his life, it really stressed me out. He couldn\u2019t see all the good things in his life no matter what I said he just said that I don\u2019t understand, I get that you know no matter who you are no one knows how you feel because we all feel differently and we all handle things different so I knew I couldn\u2019t say I know how you feel because I knew I didn\u2019t, I have never really wanted to hurt myself or think about ending my life I always felt that people like that are selfish because they don\u2019t care about those that are left or care about who will find them, my brother committed suicide and was missing for 3 agonising years before he was found and my husband found a dead body in a building, an old man hung himself and that is how my husband found him, I know he was dead but I was so mad at that man and what he did to my husband, he struggled with it for awhile after. So to have someone threaten to do it was really hard for me I tried to talk to him and listen and one day he just cut out of a convo after saying he was going to end his life I was all so worried I didn\u2019t know what to do, so I called a help line they advised me to contact my friend who wasn\u2019t answering his mobile phone so I called the help line again and then called another one who said I should report it to the police and that scared me so I looked up the details that he had given me and searched the white pages and found three numbers to call, I called one who looked like the more likely one and it was it and I talked to his father, I told him my concerns he seemed to know what I was talking about and filled me in a few little things and I just told him how worried I was, well my friend is no longer my friend and tells my other online friends that I am a stalker and I am a weirdo. He says that I crossed the line for calling his house, his father seemed glad that I called he wasn\u2019t going to tell my friend that I called but I told him that it is better not to hide things. And not only has he stopped being my friend but he has stopped being anyone\u2019s friend that doesn\u2019t understand. The weird thing is this person is well known on certain internet sites and has even been part of a huge gaming site introduction to a new ep for a game. Oh also when the site wars where happening this one person was involved too, pretending to be someone else in a chatroom and then letting others take the fall to stay innocent when in fact it was their idea. Oh i am not innocent either we were just goofing off making fun of stuff that happened on another site not really meaning to offend but it did.\r\n
Not Looking forward to 2010 - Not again- Part 3
PUBLICADO EL
27/12/2009
I am not mentioning names b.c I don\u2019t want to ruin anyone\u2019s reputation but am tired of my name being dragged through the mud, so if you know this story you will not just know his side you will know mine as well. \r\n\r\nThere is a certain web site that I helped get off the ground and supported and lost friends in the process thinking they were the ones hard done by and thinking that they are all so sweet well I realised that can be a real bad judge of character. I scouted new artists for them and told my friends about the site and even created for them, nearly losing other friends when they chased them off when they didn\u2019t get their own way and still didn\u2019t see it coming. I can be real slow at times. Anyways I found out that I too will be facing a battle in the coming year having to have a tumour removed they say that it is what it is and are treating it as nasty not like saying what they say it is. Anyways when I was freshly facing it these lovely people from the site couldn\u2019t leave me alone having a go at me for not uploading and not doing my job which was volunteered, not to mention I gave them money for a competition that they ran, anyways again they also didn\u2019t like the fact that I wasn\u2019t updating the affiliates lol which most of their affiliates a friends of mine, I told them why I wasn\u2019t doing the affiliates and they didn\u2019t like my reasoning knowing I should have been honest before but didn\u2019t like to hurt people\u2019s feelings it wasn\u2019t like I didn\u2019t like them but one of the admins was just starting to rub me the wrong way, she would take credit for the work you did and then took over so it left you confused to what I was supposed to be doing, you want credit for the work I did then do it yourself lol and then why I wasn\u2019t calling as much well it got a little mundane. But they didn\u2019t care that I had to see a specialist in fact the other admin said it wasn\u2019t like I had been given 6 months to live. And when I was sharing their convo with not everyone just my online friend they wanted to know why I had shared with her and my response was I don\u2019t answer to you so I was removed as moderator, weighing up how I was treated and what I am going through, I was done with their site and removed my uploads and my pictures and as much as me as possible now I am not wasting time with people who are heartless. They have since banned me and removed all my posts leaving some threads a little odd looking because there are pieces missing. \r\nThey still want to be my friend like I am a kid in school, but in saying that they were trying to say to a friend of mine how wrong I was and I didn\u2019t tell them about my illness which I did do because it all started the day I had to go to the specialist, I told her that she is concerning me with the site when I have to see a specialist about a lump on my kidney. Yup go blow it out your ear. \r\nSo now you know why I am not looking forward to 2010 I already know that it will be starting with me having surgery and will not know what I will be really facing till that day or the severity of it. \r\n\r\nI also have to add the people of this site do steal store content they don\u2019t own the games they are playing like WA and complain about the issues they are having. They always couldn\u2019t believe that I bought the store content. ( I just had to throw that in)\r\n\r\nThis year also was the year we stopped going to church we realised that people aren\u2019t who they say they are and it became too much of dealing with things that didn\u2019t need to be dealt with when you are struggling so much, church needs to be a shelter and refuge not a fight for survival, we realised that after so many years our children being treated poorly by so many that enough was enough. I haven\u2019t stopped believing in God just stopped believing in mankind. I have not been the nicest person this year but have really struggled to make right decisions and am really sorry that I had pushed people away but am glad that I let some go. \r\n\r\nPeople make mistakes and some just plain nasty there is a difference. \r\n\r\nI am not sure if I have left anything out but it has been a huge year and one I was looking forward to ending and now am not looking forward to what is too come, but am eager to find out the end of the story and am hoping there will be more chapters too my life. \r\n
